There is a tomcat stalking our house that is trying to violate our kitten, Penelope. Penelope is a small kitty, 7 months old and fragile. She does not need to stalked by Norman The Pedophile. Go away Norman, you're not welcome here.
Ahh, but pedophile cats are persistent little assholes. Lurking around your yard, hiding under your deck, looking into your kitchen window. All to get a glimpse of poor, little, fragile, Penelope.
I hadn't actually seen Norman until today. Today Norman was brave enough to face Penelope's mother (ME). He was actually pretty cute. I can see why Penelope is falling for him.
I suggested to my husband that we, perhaps, adopt Norman The Pedophile.
Me: Norman is pretty cute, actually.
Husband: Who the fuck is Norman?
Me: The Pedophile Cat
Husband: I don't understand what's wrong with you.
Me: We should keep him.
Husband: We are NOT having another cat.
Me: I'm probably going to keep him.
Husband: Where do we keep our sporks?